Don't Let People Tell You How to Grieve

Grief is personal. People will have opinions, people will offer suggestions and some people will do what they can to help, but in the end it's still personal. It's a journey only you can take. No one knows your level of pain. No one knows how lonely it can be. No one knows when enough time has passed. No one knows anything.

Even people that have gone through a similar experience won't grieve the way that you do. It's personal and more often than not, it changes you. The passing of my Mother broke me open and I allowed my grief to come in waves.

Shortly after my Mother passed, I visited a therapist. She was so kind, gentle and loving. She asked to see pictures of my Mother and I showed her. She asked about my immediate family and she asked how I was doing. She told me I appeared to be ok, but I knew I wasn't. I was sad, and very angry that God had taken my Mother away from me. The therapist told me it was ok to feel what I was feeling and she encouraged me to let the emotions come up like a wave washing onto the shore, but she also encouraged me to let the wave pass. So that's what I did.

Every time I got sad, I let the emotions come up. I didn't suppress them. I allowed myself to feel my feelings and a few minutes later the feeling would pass. This was a continual process. The same is also true when I got angry. I asked God hard questions, like 'Why did you take my Mother'?, 'Why did you take her at this point and time in my life'?, 'Why didn't you let her live'?

I struggled with the why, because I had prayed and I thought God answered me in a particular way that I later found out was untrue. My Mother was gone and I was left with my feelings.

About six months or so after my Mother passed, I realized my feelings were still there but it was possible for me to heal. So that's what I focused on. I still allowed the emotion to come up but I decided to turn my pain into purpose, in hopes of being able to help someone else.