You Should Always Have One Really Good Friend

One of the things I admired about my Mother was her friendship with other women. She had a group of friends that she referred to as “Scabs” and they were a posse. They showed up and showed out for one another and the friendship my Mother had with them lasted over three decades.

I never understood how my Mother cultivated a relationship with a group of women that she could be honest with and have them still love her. I thought it was amazing to have that type of bond and I let my Mother know how much I admired the friendship that she had with all these women.

At the time, I was a little jealous that she never taught me how to forge this type of relationship. I figured as her eldest daughter, she could have shown me how to cultivate female relationships that spanned the course of time but as I reflect back, I now realize she was teaching me by example.

My Mother and her friends were as thick as thieves. They shared a bond and a connection that was developed before I was born and as time went on, I was able to develop my own relationship with the “Scabs” as well. I called them on the phone, I visited them at their homes and I could have lunch with them when time permitted. I felt lucky and blessed that my Mother’s friends extended themselves to me and it’s something I never took for granted.

Seeing the relationship my Mother had with this group of women made me want to have my own version of “Scabs”. I really wanted to connect with women the way that my Mother did but I didn’t know how.

One day, while I was visiting my Mother in the hospital I talked to her about the people in my life that I thought would have shown up for me while she was battling cancer. She could tell that I was tired of the perceived lack of support but she told me something that I would never forget, she said “You should always have one good friend” and at the time I didn’t feel like I had a good friend, but this was my fault. People that really knew me, knew that when I was going through something I preferred to be left alone. So they left me alone to process. I didn’t realize that I needed their support, as I was going through, until my Mother said I needed one good friend.

I never thought about friendship in that manner, but now I realize great friendships are like marriages; for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part, and that’s how my Mother’s friends showed up for her.

Since my Mother’s passing a lot of the “Scabs” have extended themselves to me as well and a lot of my own friends have shown up for me in ways that I could have never imagined. I am grateful for the lesson on friendship as taught by my Mother and I am proud to say that I now have my own group of “Scabs”.