Go Back for Me

I never thought I would return to the church I grew up in after my Mother passed away. I thought it would be too painful after her passing and I didn’t think I had the courage to face my church family without being an emotional wreck.

I was afraid to return because I didn’t know if the memories of my Mother would come flooding back. I wasn’t ready for the wave of grief that could potentially meet me at the church door so I stayed away.

I did this for over a year and I had made up my mind that I would never return to my home church but of course my Mother had a different idea.

One day, as I was knee deep in a task, my Mother’s energy came to me and urged me to return back to my home church. When I felt my Mother’s presence I stood still, took in the assignment and prayed.

I didn’t want to go back, but I knew I had to. I suspected there was something waiting for me at my home church and I knew I needed to be obedient. So I went. I was still afraid of the memories that would come back. Specifically, I was afraid of the congregation not praying for my Mother because that meant God had healed her in his way and not ours, but I knew I couldn’t allow the memories to stop me. I knew my Mother wanted me to face my last fear so I returned back and it went better than I expected.

I realized that I was strong enough to go back as the woman my Mother raised me to be. Before she passed away my Mother told me everything would be ok. At the time when she said this to me, I couldn’t imagine anything being ok without her but she was right. Everything was ok. I handled the return to my home church with beauty, grace, and class and the moment I walked in with a smile on my face (instead of tears running down my cheeks) I knew I had made my Mother proud.

I had reached the point where I was ok with life moving forward and I believe that’s where my Mother wanted me to be.